MASTURBATION
May 1, 1998
Don Hawley
God invented sex. I firmly believe that. The sexual relationship between man and woman, I also believe, was introduced in the Garden of Eden before the advent of sin. Marriage is not considered consummated unless there has been sexual union. God has put his stamp of approval on sexuality by using the marriage relationship to represent the ideal bond between Jesus Christ, the Groom, and his church, the Bride.
Of course the devil always wants in on the act, and will do anything he can to destroy God's plans. Satan tries to cast a pall of evil over all sexuality, and as usual he offers two major ways to go wrong. On the one hand we have those who are lost to lust and perversion, and on the other we find those who see sexuality only through spectacles of fear and inhibition.
Many find pleasure in the gratuitous sex scenes of movies, the juvenile snickers evoked by most so-called sitcoms, and ubiquitous pornography. Others, however, cannot experience sex without suffering feelings of guilt and shame. Some Christians even believe sexual intercourse is legal only for the propagation of the human race. They doubt the Song of Solomon should have been included in the canon of Scripture.
Inspite of all the perversions, excesses, inhibitions, and confusion about sex, I want to go on record as saying that it is one of God's great gifts to mankind. And Christians ought to both understand and enjoy that gift.
MASTURBATION
Some time back I wrote about homosexuality from a Christian viewpoint, and now I want to do the same for another topic that is still largely hush hush--masturbation.
Let me begin with a definition. According to Webster masturbation is the "stimulation of the genital organs to orgasm, achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse." Another volume of Webster presents a slightly different view, "manipulating one's own genitals, or the genitals of another, for sexual gratification." Synonyms include "sexual self-stimulation," "manual stimulation," "autosexuality," and the negative term "self abuse."
One thing must be clarified immediately. Despite the fact that some Christians have given the impression there are biblical imperatives against this practice, the truth is that that THE BIBLE SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT MASTURBATION. Occasionally someone points to Genesis 38:6-10 as clear proof that God is against masturbation, or "Onanism." A simple reading of that portion of Scripture should show this is an unwarranted conclusion.
When his oldest son, Er, grew up, Judah arranged his marriage to a young woman named Tamar. But Er was a wicked man in the Lord's sight, so the Lord took his life. Then Judah said to Er's brother Onan, "You must marry Tamar, as our law requires of the brother of a man who has died. Her first son from you will be your brother's heir."
But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir. So whenever he had intercourse with Tamar, he spilled the semen on the ground to keep her from having a baby who would belong to his brother. But the Lord considered it a wicked thing for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother. So the Lord took Onan's life, too." Gen. 38:6-10.
Since the Word of God is silent about masturbation, we will have to be guided by broad Scriptural principles, buttressed by common sense.
BACKGROUND
What we believe about masturbation is likely to be the result of our early training. Young people today are apt to have a much different concept than many of us who are older. I don't reach back to the Victorian age, but I certainly was influenced by it. Having been raised a Seventh-day Adventist I reflected the general thinking of that denomination, which in turn took its cue from its prophetess Ellen G.White.
As was common in her day, White took a rather dim view of sex in general. She warned Christian wives not to "gratify the animal propensities" of their husbands, but to seek instead to divert their minds "from the gratification of lustful passions to high and spiritual themes by dwelling upon interesting spiritual subjects." Husbands who desired "excessive" sex she regarded as "worse than brutes" and "demons in human form." With that kind of attitude toward sexuality of any kind, it's easy to see that masturbation was bound to take a direct hit.
John Harvey Kellogg, a recognized authority on sex in the Adventist church for decades, also made his mark. He defined "sexual excess" as "sex for anything but reproduction."
In 1864, White published her very first book on health entitled "An Appeal to Mothers: The Great Cause of the Physical, Mental, and Moral Ruin of Many of the Children of Our Time." This volume dealt with the horrors of masturbation ("solitary vice") that, according to Ellen, included among other things: imbecility, dwarfed forms, crippled limbs, misshapen heads, absentmindedness, irritable disposition, forgetfulness, disrespect for parental authority, disobedience, ingratitude, impatience, lack of frankness, diminished interest in spiritual things, heredity insanity, affection of the liver and lungs, neuralgia, rheumatism, affection of the spine, diseased kidneys, loss of sight, weakness in the back and loins, cancerous humors, and the head decaying inwardly!
These wild claims were so patently false that the volume was allowed to fade away, and White wrote little about sex the rest of her life. By the time her last book on health came along, "The Ministry of Healing," there was no mention of masturbation or marital excess.
The fear of sexuality was not limited to Seventh-day Adventists, but was quite common throughout society. Although somewhere along the line children are bound to discover they are sexual beings and engage in some kind of exploration, adults felt obligated to short circuit such activity if at all possible. I still remember my aunt's final warning as she tucked my cousins and me into bed, "Now don't play with yourselves!" Which, of course, was an invitation to do just that. If we didn't already know about such forbidden pleasures, we were thus spurred to find out.
THE SEXUAL DRIVE
For the first time in history, more than half of all U.S. citizens are overweight. I must conclude from this that they enjoy eating. In fact, one of God's great gifts to us is an appetite for the wonderful food he also has made available. That so many eat too much, and of of the wrong things, is not God's fault.
God also gave us a sexual appetite. I believe most people consider sexual orgasm to be the ultimate human sensation. Surely this is a gift to be properly enjoyed, but there are those who claim such enjoyment should be restricted to married couples. Maybe Paul was among them. He tries to make a case for celibacy.
"I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness." 1 Corin. 7:7.
I don't know whether Paul had a strong libido or not, but I'm glad he didn't try to judge everyone by his own inclinations. Singleness is not for everyone, nor is marriage. Paul continues:
"Now I say to those who aren't married and to widows--it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust." Vs. 8, 9.
I would hope those who commit to a lifelong marriage have a better reason than merely to avoid "burning with lust." However, Paul honestly did point up a problem.
Years ago the problem was less intense for most. America, for instance, was largely agrarian. Dad could give his 16-year-old son a few acres and a mule, and he was ready to take a wife and support her. There wasn't too much time to "burn." Now, however, our complex society penalizes those who marry too young. It's necessary to stay within the educational system for a considerable time to reach significant goals. Newsweek for April 13, 1998, reports that "a third of Domino's pizza-delivery drivers in the Washington D.C. area have B.A.s." The high cost of education often makes early marriage out of the question.
What with getting a good education, many couples are forced to put off marriage until 23 to 25 years of age or even later. And what about the sex drive in the interim? Personally, I do not believe in sexual intercourse prior to, or outside of, marriage. Neither do I consider the proverbial "cold shower" a viable substitute for most individuals.
The sexual drive in teenagers is a matter of raging hormones; their body says they are ready for sex, but they usually are not ready for marriage. The result is a deluge of teenage pregnancies that threaten the future of our society. James O. Wilson, formerly a professor at Harvard University, points out "there are three simple behavioral rules for avoiding poverty: finish high school, produce no child before marrying, and no child before age 20. Only 8 percent of families who conform to all three rules are poor; 79 percent of those who do not conform are poor." Let's not underestimate the magnitude of the problem our young people, in particular, face.
We need to note what is happening to society's thinking. Today more than half the public, and 70 percent of Americans under 35, think no shame should attach to having children out of wedlock. It may be easy for some to pontificate about the need for young people to refrain from masturbation, but perhaps they should rethink their attitudes.
MORE PROBLEMS
Now let's turn from problems associated only with the young. Suppose we have two young men. The first is handsome from birth, and by the time he is ready to marry he has plenty of eligible young women who are eager to be considered as mates. So he weds, and among other benefits of married life, he enjoys God's gift of sexuality for a lifetime. Fine.
The other young man, through no fault of his own, is born terribly ugly. In fact his visage is so horrible that no young woman is willing to share his life. In spite of his looks, he has a normal sexual urge to contend with. Again some would tell us that it is God's plan he merely suffer patiently until death does him in. I have trouble with that scenario. I can't envision God saying in essence, "I put that sexual drive in you, but it is my desire that you just be miserable."
While both men and women have a psychological urge for sexual activity, the man also has a physical dimension. After a significant period of time without sex, a man faces strong physical yearnings for release. At this point someone is bound to say, "No problem! God has arranged for a night time release referred to as a nocturnal emission, or a "wet dream." Most men would agree that this less than pleasurable solution shouldn't be blamed on God. Once the person is awakened by an imminent ejaculation, it's too late to abort the process. Still, the desire to avoid the ensuing messiness forces one to try without success. The nocturnal emission may in the long run relive sexual tension, but in the short term it is certainly not a happy experience.
And let's not forget the widows and widowers. After many years of sharing the marriage bed and enjoying God's gift of sexuality, who has a right to condemn them to final years of total sexual abstinence?
WHEN MAY MASTURBATION BE ACCEPTABLE?
Aside from the areas I've already shared, there are other considerations as well. For instance a couple enjoying an otherwise good marriage may have a problem with widely different libidos. One may have a very strong sexual drive, and the other a very weak one. Rather than causing problems by trying to artificially push the weak drive, or curtail the strong one, occasional masturbation on the part of one could solve the problem.
For one reason or another, it may be inadvisable for a man to have intercourse with his wife in the latter stages of her pregnancy. Why should that mean either has to do without sexual relief?
Some people must travel and be away from home for long periods of time. Why nurture the temptation to break the marriage vow (it certainly happens) fighting sexual tension?
War sometimes separates marriage companions for one, two or more years. I remember the parade of "Dear John" letters that told of spouses who had found someone else to share the marriage bed. Could some of that been avoided by keeping sexual tensions in check?
Many women simply cannot achieve orgasm without manual stimulation by their mate. Is that masturbation, and if so should it be considered wrong?
As men grow older, many are overtaken with the problem of impotency. Should the wife be left to suffer, and the husband be torn with embarrassment? Or should the husband still be allowed to bring his wife sexual satisfaction in another manner? In spite of his problem, the wife could still minister to her husband's need as well.
And don't forget the widows and widowers who have no mate to attend to their needs in any fashion.
WHEN IS MASTURBATION UNACCEPTABLE?
I've pointed out that sexual activity is one of God's special gifts to men and women. Naturally, the devil is going to attack and demean God's gifting at every opportunity. Sometimes masturbation is not acceptable behavior; other times it poses certain dangers.
If masturbation becomes an obsession, a consuming habit, it is wrong. Particularly would this be true when it leads a married person to neglect his or her mate.
If masturbation causes one to feel great shame and guilt, it calls for a better understanding of what is involved. Otherwise the individual may end up angry at God for making sexual stimulation such a powerful force in human life.
Pornography is demeaning, and not a legitimate part of masturbation for anyone.
There are health considerations. A person who has a dysfunctional preoccupation with masturbation may find himself enervated and listless. On the other hand, an interesting study reported in the British Medical Journal shows that an active sex life may be linked with long life. It was found that men who reported frequent orgasms--more than twice a week--had less than half the risk of dying as the men who had orgasms less than once a month. If the results of this study should be confirmed with still other research, should widowers and single men be tied to celibacy?
Can there be a demonic dimension to uncontrolled masturbation? Yes. Just as there can be a demonic dimension to gluttony, which is uncontrolled eating.
In consideration of some of the things we've discussed, perhaps we should be careful about making the time-honored condemnation of masturbation. At least we should avoid playing judge for others.
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