By way of background...........

I was fifth generation 'Seventh-Day Adventist', attending church schools from the 6th grade through college.  My father was a preacher making me the proverbial "preacher's kid".

As far back as I can remember I was told how lucky I was to have been born into 'THE TRUTH'.  While it was allowed that others who had not been so 'lucky' (and this seemed to include everyone else - the 'heathen',and all other religions and denominations) might be saved, if they did the best they could, I always sensed that anyone who once knew 'THE TRUTH' ..........and then departed from it, would be lost.

I felt I should be thrilled. After all - I'd hit the jackpot!  In spite of my 'good fortune' I was definately not thrilled.  I found my religion very restrictive, filled with seemingly endless "do nots".  It seemed to me that everyone was frantically trying to work their way to Heaven.  I felt like I could never be quite good enough.  Then a horrifying thought occurred!  With my luck, I'd spend my whole life denying myself the normal 'pleasures' that most people took for granted (movies, jewelry, make-up, etc.), and end up in hell anyway!!   Since I was convinced that leaving Adventism was simply not an option, I more or less accepted this as my probable fate, and went on, desperately trying to 'be good'.

I had a lot of 'guilt'. I knew I should be praying more, but after going through my 'wish list' I could never think of anything terribly important to say. I should love to read my bible, but had to admit it was far from my favorite book. I should witness to friends, bringing them into the church.......but this left me with two major problems.

#1. In order to witness effectively, you needed to share, and I had nothing to share.  I knew nothing, personally, and had no first-hand testimony to give regarding anything that had happened in my own life.

#2. I was actually quite miserable in my own Christian walk.  I had NO personal assurance of salvation.  Truthfully, I doubted I would 'make it'.  I rather resented all I felt I was missing, due to my restrictive lifestyle. Why on earth, would I want to inflict such 'bondage inducing knowledge' on a friend? If they were lucky enough to have been born 'ignorant' of 'THE TRUTH', surely it would be downright cruel to enlighten them!!

Every once in a while an especially good sermon, or musical number, would get through to me, and I would determine to turn over a new leaf, and become an excited Christian.  Unfortunately my enthusiasm never seemed to last for long.  Actually, I had all I could do to stay awake in church.  It always amused me to watch others having the same struggle.  I was also bothered by the fact that, for so-called 'happy Christians', we seemed such a somber lot.

Years passed. I became an R.N.; married, an SDA preacher's kid ; was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis; had a son (Jordan,now 19 and a junior at U.T.); drifted away from religion completely (feeling scared and relieved at the same time); divorced and remarried (Tommie - no particular interest in religion at the time of our meeting).  

Years later Tommie and I (living in Oklahoma at the time) decided to find a church "for Jordan's sake".  We reasoned that every child should have some religion!  The question arose "Which church"?  I called my Dad, who had left the SDA denomination in 1991, to ask his advice.  I'll always be grateful for his response.  He suggested that we pray about it, look for a church where the people knew how to worship "joyfully", welcomed the ministry of the Holy Spirit, and knew what the simple Gospel was.

Tommie & I formulated a 'plan'.  We would visit a new church each week until we had tried all kinds, selecting the one that seemed best for Jordan. We began with an Assembly of God church. A smile comes to my face when I think back. We called to let Dad know we'd made oour selection.  When he heard where we were going, he suggested we read several texts first - Psalm 150:1-6 and others.  Smart man, my Dad!  ;-)  That church seemed to us, utterly 'wild' with clapping to songs, and hands raised in worship, but the texts Dad had suggested left us prepared.  They had shown us that such 'odd' behavior was actually biblical! 

The people were warm and friendly.  Not only that, they were happy & smiling!  And they sang - Oh how they sang!!!!  The sermon was wonderful.  We abandoned our 'plan', and began attending regularly.  I came to understand the simple Gospel for the first time in my life, and heard it preached at this church on a regular basis.  I was also introduced to the Holy Spirit in a real way, for the first time in my life.

****************************

Let me give you just a couple of examples, of things that happened to me at this time in my life, which impacted me greatly.  The first took place within the first few weeks we attended.

I found myself very moved by the way they often had the elders stand at the front of the church, praying with any individuals who went forward.

XXXXXXX  I need to break in here and let you know about a 'problem' I had been dealing with for years.  I don't wish to go into great detail, for personal reasons.  Suffice it to say, my Mother hated me - and had, for many years.  I could think of no reason for this and it devastated me.  After all, Mother's always love their kids.  "Even an ax-murderer would still be loved by his Mom", I would tell myself.  Not a day went by that I did not suffer great emotional pain over this.  I wept buckets.  Back to my story. XXXXXXX 

One day I decided to go forward for prayer.  No particular reason that I was aware of (remember, I knew nothing of the prompting of the Holy Spirit in those days) - I just wanted to try it.  When I stepped up to an elder I shocked myself (and him too, I am sure!) by bursting into sobs and saying "I HATE my Mother".  Never before had I said such a thing.  I did not even let myself think it.  The elder prayed a nice prayer about God being bigger than hate and so forth, and asked Him to release me from the hatred.  I appreciated the prayer and returned to my seat.  No bells and whistles - nothing happened - or so I thought.

A couple of weeks later I was standing in church singing and praising the Lord.  Suddenly it hit me!  Not once in the past two weeks had I even thought of my Mother! Absolutely amazing!!  Then I realized the full extent of the miracle.  I felt no pain as I thought of her. None!  I am thrilled to report today, all these years later, that not once - not ever - not for even one moment - has the pain returned!  God sovereignly chose to set me free that day.

Why?  I don't know.  Maybe He knew the extent to which this pain dominated my life, and had other plans for me?  Perhaps He just exercised His great mercy on my behalf, for reasons I may never fully understand until I see Him?  What a God!!!.

******************************

Here is another experience (one of many), precious to me.

One of the things in our new church environment that always 'bothered' me was their belief in "words of knowledge".  These were given, every now and then, by various people.  You could always tell instantly when you were hearing one.  It was a message from God, spoken out by the individual.  They were always beautiful and edifying to all, but they troubled me.

I had made the adjustment to hand-raising. After a few weeks of tentative trys I now raised my own hands to the Lord when I sang in praise to Him and could not imagine ever not doing so.  I clapped in rhythm with many songs and loved it all.  All that is, except the "words of knowledge".

I made a determination not to dismiss them, just because I was uncomfortable with them.  I believe that this attitude, one of wanting whatever really was of the Holy Spirit - no matter how 'uncomfortable' it might 'feel' to me - was important.  I truly was 'nervous' about them however.  I would go up to people who spoke them out and 'quiz' them - "Did you get this message last night, or a minute ago, or when", etc.  They would try to explain to me as best they could, but it is not always easy ( I understand this now ) to 'explain' the things of the Spirit.  Whenever someone began to speak out a 'word of knowledge' I would bow my head and pray "Lord, if that is really You, forgive my doubt, and thank-you for speaking to us. If it is not You, protect me and help me to discern properly".

One day I went to church deeply discouraged.  I had been going forward every time the elders were in the front, to request prayer that I be healed from my M.S. During this particular week I kept thinking "If God wanted to heal you He could do it any time". (true) "God knows you want to be healed without you ever 'telling' Him". (true) "God is probably sick of hearing from you - of you continually 'yanking His chain' asking for healing. He probably wants to tell you to 'knock it off', leave Him alone, and quit 'bugging' Him". 

By the end of the week I was thoroughly depressed.  I did not tell Tommie, but I vowed that I would not go up to request prayer for my healing if the elders were up front - not that Sunday.........and never again.

When I got to church I was so 'down' I could barely force myself to sing.  Just before the sermon, the Pastor stood up and began to speak out a 'word of knowledge.  I sat listening, as I always did.  It was very long - much longer than most.  More amazing was what he was saying.  I will paraphrase here as I cannot remember it word for word, of course.  The gist of it was:

"NEVER stop asking, my child. You can NEVER wear me out. I NEVER get tired of hearing from you. Just keep asking. NEVER stop asking."

The truly wild thing was that as soon as it started I 'knew' that this message was for ME!!  I immediately 'scolded' myself, saying - "Come-on.  Get over it.  You don't even really believe in these things, and even if they are real, face it.  The God of the universe is not going to send a message directly for you.  Get real.  Quit being so silly".  The 'word' continued and I 'KNEW' it was for ME!!  I continued to go through all my denials, over and over, but the feeling that it was for ME was overpowering. Finally, the Pastor sat down.

 A few seconds later a hand clamped down on my shoulder.  I literally jumped.  I recognized one of the church elders, an older man who I did not know personally.  I did not know his name, and he had never prayed with me.  He shook my shoulder and whispered urgently "That was for YOU - did you get it?"

My eyes must have been big as saucers as I answered, "Yes - but how did you know?"  He replied, "The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "That 'word' was for that girl.........go and tell her".  I had goose-bumps on my goose-bumps as I thanked him!  ;-)  I have believed in "word's of knowledge" ever since.

Now, I realize that it is possible for someone to stand up 'in the flesh' and speak out a 'word' that is not from God.  That does not scare me.  We are to "test" - keeping that which is good.  The Holy Spirit is well able to help us discern the real.  Remember, I KNEW that "word" was for me from minute one.  Sure,  I tried hard to reject it, but God was so merciful (how like Him), that His precious Holy Spirit confirmed it for me, by revealing to the elder that it was meant for me. Awesome.

***************************************

More years passed.  We moved East (job transfer) and finally back to Texas.  All this time the Lord was revealing more and more of Himself to me.  My love for the Lord was growing and my spiritual life was real and vital.  We attended Assembly of God churches and non-denominational ones.  We paid tithes, and supported whichever church we were attending with our offerings, but never officially joined any of them.  To this day I believe that few things frustrate the Gospel like denominationalism.  I do not plan to ever "officially" join another church - preferring to be known simply as a member of the "Body of Christ".  Jesus will return one day soon for His Bride - not His harem.  The Bible pictures Him as the Head of The Body, not bodies.

I will skip forward now to late 1995.  One day my Dad called to say he had heard of a supposed move of the Holy Spirit in Toronto, Canada.  He said "It's either the Lord, the flesh, or the devil. I am going to check it out and I won't come back till I know".  I told him to have a nice trip, and promptly forgot it.

I began to have a strange experience. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I would 'hear' a certain message, over and over.  I might be at the kitchen sink washing dishes, in the living room reading - it even woke me up at night!! Always the message was the same - "Put all your knowledge on the shelf.  (I sensed that I was not being told that my knowledge was 'bad', just to 'shelve' it for now)  Return to the starting line.  You know nothing ."  I 'knew' the message was from the Lord - I just sensed that.  I did not have a clue as to what it meant.  Finally I told my husband about it.  I remember telling him, "I don't know what God is trying to tell me, but I know something is about to happen to me and when it does - I will have to go along with it - whatever it is".  This continued for a few days.

The day after it stopped the phone rang.  It was my Dad calling, back from Toronto.  He said "It's GOD"!!!!  As he began to tell me about his experience there, I was filled with excitement.  I knew this was the reason I was to 'shelve' my preconceived ideas, and my 'knowledge', and return to the starting line.  God wanted me to remember that I knew "nothing" so He could teach me 'new' things.  I didn't have to struggle with accepting Renewal at all.  God mercifully 'set me up'.  I just love how He does things - don't you?

My Dad and Mom (my step-mother ;-), my Dad had divorced and re-married too) - came to visit us for Christmas of 1995. Dad brought videos from Toronto.  We watched them, talked endlessly, and just had a fabulous time.

***************************************

One day during their visit, I had yet another new experience.  My first vision! 

I was in the shower washing my hair, when suddenly in front of me, this 'scene' appeared.  It was just as clear as if I were watching a TV screen.

I 'saw' a man crossing a desert.  I sensed that he was not lost - he would get to his destination by the end of the day, but he was very hot, tired and thirsty.  He staggered on for a while and finally, as I watched, he sank to his knees on the hot sand.  When he looked up, there, some distance in front of him, was an oasis.  "Maybe", he thought, "God has directed me here". 

He was sooooo thirsty - but he was a cautious man.  After all, he had heard of mirages.  This might not be the real thing at all! He didn't want to be a fool, and go chasing after things that might not be real.  He began to pray "Lord, if that really is an oasis, and you put it there for me........prove it to me.  Bring it over here, and give me a drink".

At this point the vision faded away but I 'knew'  (I just somehow 'sensed' it)  this man, while he would eventually get to his home, was going to have a very dry, thirsty walk until he arrived.  I also sensed that by refusing to take a chance, to go check out the oasis, he had missed an opportunity to drink and be refreshed.  Should he encounter other travelers on his journey (perhaps someone even worse off than himself?), he would not be able to offer much assistance in his weakened state.

When I got out of the shower, I went out to the living room & told my Dad about the experience.  I said "Want to hear something weird?  Now mind you, I'm not trying to say I had a VISION or anything but......." .      ;-)  

****************************************

In February of 1996 I flew to Toronto for a week-long visit at the 'Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship'.  I was joined by 7 other friends and family members.  We were from 4 different states and of varying ages, men and women.  Each one of us was powerfully  met by the Holy Spirit.  Our experiences were each unique.  Some shook, some cried, some laughed, some jerked.  One did not 'manifest' at all, and yet he was radically impacted.  Some saw visions, some had dreams and some did most or all of the above.  We heard wonderful sermons, attended intercession meetings, and received much prayer.

ALL of us were forever changed.  We will never be the same again.  Some in this group went with great skepticism.  Some were not very 'into' "religious stuff". ALL are now ON FIRE for God..........passionately in love with Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

I want to tell you briefly, just a few of my own experiences. Please understand that it is hard to describe Holy Spirit experiences to someone exactly. You sort of need to be able to say "been there - done that"!!   ;-)   I can only urge you to 'try' it for yourself.

*******************************************

During one of the intercession meetings we (a group of 50 people or so) praised God in song, prayed and then were told to sit quietly for 20 minutes.  We were told to keep our minds 'clear', waiting to see if the Holy Spirit had anything for us.  We were told to write down anything we received on a piece of paper, and that when the time was up, anyone who wished to do so could share with the group what they received.

I want you to know that those 20 minutes felt like hours to me!  I'm not particularly 'quiet' by nature, and to sit silent for such a time was hard for me.  Not only that - my mind refused to quit wandering.  Finally, I just envisioned my mind as a 'blackboard'. Each time I would begin to think about something (and you would be amazed at all the things I thought of! ), I would imagine myself just wiping the 'blackboard' clean - and try to just sit quietly.  I would say "Holy Spirit - whatever You want".  It seemed like so much time had passed I was sure she would call 'time' at any second, and I would of course, have seen and/or heard  absolutely nothing.  

XXXXXXX  At this point, without giving details, you need to know that one of our group members was going through a hard time over something, and I was feeling very 'responsible' for her somehow......worried, and burdened by it.  I felt I had to 'help' her someway, and it was hard for me to relax and concentrate on anything but her problems. XXXXXXX

Suddenly, as I sat there, a picture popped into my mind!!!!  Absolutely clear and sharp.  Just boom, & it was there.  I was startled.  I was also perplexed.  It seemed totally wierd to me.  

I 'saw' a pretty, graceful, blue ceramic pitcher, with a curved handle and spout.  I 'knew' there was some 'liquid' in the pitcher but that it was not full. In the end of the spout was a cork!!  Above the pitcher was a large hand, just there, as if about to reach down and pick up the pitcher or something.  The hand was not disembodied or anything.  It was just that it was out of my field of vision from the wrist up. 

I had absolutely no idea what it meant.  I remembered that we were told to write down anything we might hear, or see, or sense, and I thought  "Well - I won't share this one with anyone!  Like I'm gonna say 'I saw a pitcher with a cork in the spout, and a hand hovering over it'?  Right."  Anyway, I began to write down what I had seen, as we had been instructed.  Instantly the interpretation came to me, as clear as the 'picture' had been.  I could not write fast enough and my words were just scrawled over the page.  Here is what I 'heard' & recorded:

"This is your time - relax and enjoy it.  The pitcher represents you.  The liquid in the pitcher represents your being filled with My Holy Spirit.  Because you are in a Holy Spirit filled place, and are not resisting, the filling is inevitable.  You are not filled yet to the level I wish, but you will be.  When you are, I will reach down, pop the cork, and you will flow out to others."

*****************************************

Another day I was resting in the Spirit (they refer to it as "doing carpet time" in Toronto) when I had a rather lengthy and wonderful vision.  I won't go into it all here but want to tell you that on this particular occasion people were praying for my healing.  My Mom was at my head, crying and pleading with God to heal me.  I went into this vision.  At one point, Jesus told me "Your healing is a 'done deal' (a favorite phrase of mine) but we are waiting for it to manifest."  I was just flooded with incredible peace and deep joy.  I was vaguely aware of the sound of my Mom crying as she prayed for me healing.  It suddenly seemed so 'funny'.

Now please understand.  I adore my Mom, and would never laugh at her rudely.  Also, in my 'natural' state her crying and praying for my healing would not be 'funny' at all.  But I was not in my 'natural' state.  

I wanted to tell her what was happening to me.  I kept thinking "I should tell her she does not need to cry anymore. Jesus has told me my healing has been granted, and it is just a matter of time till the time will be right for it to manifest".  I just could not however.  I was soooooooo peaceful, and so joyful, and suddenly laughter just bubbled out of me!  That surprised me - but almost instantly I just felt quiet and peaceful again. Then I saw God sitting on His throne, and I said to Jesus "Wait here - Don't leave - I have to go & sit on God's lap.  I have always wanted to."

Now here again you must understand something.  In my 'natural' state I cannot conceive of ever asking Jesus to wait and not leave, while I go do something else - like sit on God's lap!!!  Do you see what I mean?

In my vision, I went over and crawled up onto God's lap.  I just snuggled in!  I was 'manifesting' slightly - my hand was kinda' 'jerking' or 'twitching'.  I remember thinking, "I hope I don't bother Him, hitting Him like this", but I just 'knew' He did not mind. After a few moments I suddenly remembered that I had left Jesus standing there, and had not even thanked Him for telling me that my healing had been granted!!!!!  I thought "It was by HIS stripes that I was healed.  I MUST go thank Him".  I got down, and returned to where I had been.

I was astounded to find that Jesus was still there, waiting for me.  I was completely overwhelmed, and began to cry as I fell to my knees, wrapped my arms around His legs and thanked Him...........over and over.  I was thanking Him not only for granting my healing, but also for having waited for me.  I just could hardly believe it.

Now, think about this...........

Quite a bit of time had passed as I lay there on the floor.  A person 'observing', would have seen me quietly lying there, then seen my hands jerking, then seen me laugh briefly, then become quiet again & then begin to cry.  They could have decided I was 'crazy', and walked away disgusted..........never knowing the wonderful experience the Lord was granting to me.

*****************************************

I want to share another experience with you.  I had just heard a wonderful sermon.  The preacher was saying that we are to become 'Christ-like' so that when people look at us they see Him.  Later, I went for prayer and once again was resting in the Spirit.  I began to ponder Jesus, and was saying to myself  "I am a mess.  How can I ever think that anyone could look at me and see You Jesus?"   Then I said "Jesus, I know that you are everything to me.  You are my Savior, my Friend, my Lord, my Brother, my Master - and so much more.  You are all these things to me.  I know that, but please, would You just tell me who You are to me right now"?  

I rested quietly for awhile, and then suddenly I saw an open area with high walls on two sides.  It was like a courtyard - just an ordinary place.  There was a sort of small 'foot-bridge' leading to it, and all at once I heard Jesus say "Come here".  I said "I can't see you. You'll have to help me".  He did!!  He took me by the hand and led me over the little 'bridge', to Him.  He was tall (I know because the top of my head - I am 5'8" - only came to the bottom of His chest), and dressed in long, flowing robes. He pulled me close in a warm 'hug'.  People have asked me what His face looked like, and I have to tell them I don't know! Strange as it seems now, I don't ever remember looking up at Him!!

Then He spoke to me, saying "I am your Brother. They had better not mess with you, or they'll  have to answer to me."!!  He said this in a real tender, but half-joking, tone of voice............just like a 'big brother' might!!

He then took my hand and pulled me gently away from Himself, holding me at arms length and slowly twirling me in a circle while saying "And yes - you can dance with me". ( I love to do ball-room type dancing - at least I used to before my MS made me unable to dance.)  Then He pulled me back to His side and gave me another hug.  I felt so utterly loved and protected.

"People will see Me when they look at you", He said.  "They'll look at you and say, 'Oh! There's such a family resemblance'."!!

Next, He said, in a voice that was totally loving and let me know He was not condemning me at all, "Your faith and your trust are not at the level I want them yet,  but they will be, and when they are, I'll show you some more 'snapshots' from the family album."

The vision faded then, but I was left with a sense of complete awe.  I remember this experience whenever I hear the words to the song "As the Dear panteth for the water".  They go like this:

"You're my friend....

And You are my Brother..... 

Even tho You are my King.

I want You.....

More than any other.....

So much more than anything."

*************************************************************

As I write this, it is March of 1997.  Over the past 12 months I have been to Toronto 3 times, for one to two weeks each time. I've attended several other Renewal conferences (6 - I believe) in various places.  I have watched countless videos (fabulous sermons, etc.), read many, many wonderful books on Renewal, books on the Holy Spirit, books about Jesus and on and on.  I've spent much time reading my Bible - now my absolutely favorite book.  I've made many new friends and heard so many wonderful stories from them about how the Holy Spirit is working in their lives.  These stories just thrill me.

****************************************

I believe I will finish with a shortened account of one more evening.  I was attending a Renewal conference south of Fort Worth. I did not know anyone there.  The speaker was Graham Cooke, a wonderful Spirit-filled, and highly prophetic man from England.

That afternoon I was kneeling in my living room praying.  I was excited about the conference that night & knew that we would be praying all evening, just seeking God.  I ernestly asked Him to please 'speak' to me that night.  I remember praying "Please God - give me a word tonight............even if it is only a rebuke, please speak to me."  Then, as I pushed myself up from the floor,  I heard my big toe on my right foot 'snap'.  The whole toe quickly turned 'purple' and swelled up, despite ice-packs.  I was determined to go to the meeting.......the final one of the conference.  I drove the 45 min. or so without too much trouble, but during the evening the pain worsened until (despite pain pills somebody gave me) I could not stand to even move. The room had been cleared for people to receive prayer ministry, and there I sat feeling like a fool, right in the middle.  They had put a second chair over my foot, to keep it from being bumped.  I sat there with my head bowed, trying to pray.  Several people stopped & prayed for my toe to be healed, and I began to feel 'responsible' to get healed  (as if I could do that) !!!!

I began to pray that God would increase my faith so I would 'get healed'.  How foolish to think that I could do anything!  It was right for the people to pray for me.  We are all to pray for each other.  Then we are to just trust our God.  He will answer in His time and in His way.  As I was praying these rather foolish little prayers, I was sorta' clenching my fists in front of me......and pounding them in the air.

An hour or so later (it was a long evening), I became aware of a young girl kneeling beside me, sobbing.  She put her hand on my knee and just wept.  Finally she looked up at me and said "I don't know why I can't quit crying. My heart is just breaking. I feel I see God's heart toward you. I don't know you, but I sense God saying that you have been through very tough times for several years now. You have known a lot of grief. God wants you to know that He knows all about it. He cares, and it is going to be all-right".  She kept repeating that she did not know why she couldn't stop crying, but that she thought it was just that she was so touched by how much God cared about me!  After several more minutes she composed herself, introduced herself as 'Gina', hugged me and moved on.  I continued to pray.

Some time later a middle-aged blonde woman came over to me. (Her name turned out to be Deena. I recognized her, as she had been called up front earlier by Graham Cooke, and asked to lead us all in a prayer of repentance before we began the ministry time.  She had prayed a truly beautiful prayer) 

She now said that God had showed her something about me, and she wished to share it with me.  She said "God showed me that you will be a strong person for Him. Unshakable. You will be set like flint and you will be like a hatchet in His service - strong and unstoppable.  Not shaken.  You will be a strong intercessor, but it will not be only intercessory prayer.  You will intercede for people in a strong way - like a hatchet - unstoppable.  As she spoke, she kept raising her arm, and lowering it, as if wielding an axe or something.  She then hugged me and left.

XXXXXXX Later, I will share something totally exciting about this experience - but for now I will move on. XXXXXXX

Some time later still, a heavy-set woman ( she introduced herself as Lisa ) suddenly sat down on the chair that was covering my injured foot.  I was startled when she rather urgently said "What were you praying for"?  She then waved her hand in front of me as if to say  nevermind, it doesn't matter anyway, and continued....... "God said to me 'It is already done'." 

I was really startled but finally found my voice, and said "I was praying that God would release all the people who were praying for my toe to go pray for others" ( I was making tiny fanning motions with my hands, as I had made when I had prayed that prayer earlier ) She broke in & said, "NO! - Before that!  You were asking for something for yourself."  That really startled me and I said "I was praying that God would increase my faith and trust." 

She said, "God wants you to STOP it!  God want's you to quit asking, and just start believing and receiving.  He says you already have it."  Then she told me that God showed her that I have faith infused into me - it is part of me.  She said God showed her that I was infused with faith from the top of my head, to the tips of my toes.  She said I would intercede for others, and have great compassion for them, and that my faith would "be there".  She said a special "gifting" of faith might be poured out on me, on specific occasions, for some specific purpose, at God's choosing...... but that mine was a solid, in-bred type of faith.

She then said "I saw what I thought was a rosary at first, around your neck, and I said 'God - what is that? - it looks so Catholic!'."  She said she could then 'see' more clearly, and it was a strand of huge, lustrous pearls, regal looking, like nothing she had ever seen on earth.  She said the pearls were for compassion shown - and that whenever I interceded and prayed for others, another pearl would be added.  She then said that was all she had been shown, and she left.

I just felt overwhelmed.  God had answered my prayer soooo far beyond my expectations.  Three wonderful words - all confirming other words I had received at Toronto, and at the 'Amber Rose Conference'. What a MIGHTY God we serve!!

When the service ended & I tried to go home - I found I could not move the pain was sooooo intense.

Three young girls ( one of them was Gina! ) insisted on driving me home - one driving me in my car, and the other two following. They got me into bed, and left at 2 a.m.  I shall never forget their kindness.

**************************

Remember I told you there was something exciting to add to this experience?!...........

A week or so later, toe feeling greatly improved, I decided to write down my experiences at the Graham Cooke Conference.

I could not remember what word the woman (Deena) had used to describe me.  Was it Axe?  Surely God would not call me an axe?!  And how did you spell axe, anyway?  Was it axe, or ax?  Maybe the word had been hatchet?  Or perhaps it had been a pick-ax?  I simply could not remember.  I could still see her, with her arm raised, bringing it down over and over in 'chopping' motions, but the word eluded me.

Frustrated, I decided to look up axe in the dictionary.  Maybe the 'definition' would help me.  At least I would learn how to spell it.  I got the dictionary ( a very large, hard-cover Webster's ), and balanced it carefully across my lap.  Then I looked up axe. Both spellings were correct.  The definition listed was quite long, and included the following:  It is "a tool for chopping trees; slang - a musical instrument; it can mean to trim, or split, cut off, remove, get rid of; to be executed by be-heading; to lose your job; and finally, to have an object of one's own to gain or promote".  None of that was particularly enlightening, and I could not see why God would choose that word.  Sooooo, I decided to go to the back of the huge dictionary, and look up pick-axe. Maybe that would be more meaningful?

I adjusted the book on my lap so it would not fall off......prepared to look up pick-axe.  Then that large book JUST FELL OPEN!!!!!  Stunned, I looked down, and was instantly covered with 'goose-bumps'".  Instantly I saw only ONE small word. That word was in the middle of the right-hand column, and it was 'hatchet' !!!!!!!!!

God had done this, I knew!  What are the odds that this BIG dictionary would fall open to, and my eyes instantly light on, the word 'hatchet' - especially when I was attempting to look up 'pick-axe'?  I could hardly contain myself, as I began to read this definition.  It was as short as the other was long.  It read simply:

"a small ax with a short handle, for use with one hand; bury the hatchet - to stop fighting; make peace."

What wonderful confirmation!  Praise you Jesus!

**********************************************

Finally, I would like to tell you about an experience I had way back on Dec. 15, 1995.

I was home alone and had been reading an article by a man who was in Renewal.  I was soooooooo touched by it.  I was sitting there with tears streaming down my cheeks and I said "Oh God - give me a 'sign', any sign, but a sign Lord.  Please - let me open my Bible and YOU pick out a text for me.  YOU choose it, but make it one so plain I can't help but know that you have given me a sign Lord.  PLEASE."

Almost immediately I began to feel guilty.  Who did I think I was - asking for a sign?  Certainly I was no 'Gideon'.  God was not asking me to go to a great battle.  Surely I was being presumptuous.  God was probably disgusted with me for asking.  On and on I argued with myself, but I just felt 'desperate' for a sign from God that HE knew ME.

This went on for a half hour or so!!  Finally I said, "OK God.  I'm going to just open my bible and look down.  The first verse I see, I will start to read, and that will be what You have picked out for my 'sign'.  

Suddenly, I was terrified.  I'm ashamed to admit this, but I was afraid to open the bible, for fear God would not come through for me.  I was afraid I would just see a bunch of texts with no specific meaning to me.  Then I thought, I will feel devastated.  You can see how weak my faith and trust were.

Finally, I just raised my bible in the air, and said "PLEASE GOD".  Then I opened the Bible.  Looking down I began to read at the spot on which my eyes first fell.  This (the parentheses are mine), is what I read:

"Then the Lord spoke again to Ahaz, saying, 'Ask a sign for yourself from the Lord your God; make it deep as Sheol or high as heaven.'  But Ahaz said, 'I will not ask, nor will I test the Lord!'   Then he (this is referring to Isaiah) said, 'Listen now, O house of David!' (this refers to Ahaz - the king of Judah at that time.  They referred to whoever was currently king as 'house of David') 'Is it too slight a thing for you to try the patience of men, that you will try the patience of my GOD as well?   Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel'."  Isaiah 7: 10-14

***********************************

These experiences that I have shared, are just a few of the many I have had, since coming to really know the Holy Spirit and developing a real relationship with Him.

The Holy Spirit always points us to Jesus, our precious Saviour, Son of Almighty God, our Heavenly Father.  Oh precious, blessed Trinity.

Time is short.  We must not waste a moment, but press in continually.  "God SO loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believeth on Him, should not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16

There you have it - the simple, wonderful Gospel. When Jesus returned to His Father, after shedding His blood for our salvation, He promised to send the Holy Spirit.  He did - and the precious Holy Spirit is here with us now.  He will remain with us, until the glorious day when Christ returns to take us all home........forever.

Hallelujah!   Come Lord Jesus!

UPDATE NOTE:  It is now 2002.  The Holy Spirit continues His precious work in my life.  There is nothing that can compare to the joy that comes from developing real intimacy with our God.  The world around us seems to be spinning out of control, but we can rest secure in His love.  Truly God is on His throne, He is in control & He loves you & me completely. 

God knows exactly where you are at this very moment.  He knows all about you & He loves you.  Jesus died for you, paying the penalty for your sins in full, & purchasing your eternal salvation.  The Holy Spirit is here with you today, and He longs for you to get to know Him intimately.  Why not accept today, all the peace, joy & freedom that await you...........in Him?  Blessings, Cassie

 Email the Author